One Day..

One day, they will look back at this photo I took weeks ago at the park, overlooking this lovely view..

They will remember all the laughter, the convos they had with their dad & how I love recording every memories of them with my camera phone everywhere we go.. "Baba, can we see your work place from here? Ummi, can you video record us walking in slow motion again? It's super cool.."

One day, this will be among those memories of us that they will treasure for all their lives..

I've come to a conclusion to just go ahead with the surgery for the wellbeing of my heart & health.. For the sake of my family.. They still need me to be there for them.. I'll just have to wait & see what the cardiologist has to say when I visit him on the given appointment date..

Whatever it is, kalau Dia tk uji, Dia tk kan sayang.. Sebab Dia saying sangat2 la kite slalu diuji..

Hopefully all will be well..  

You Can't Truly Understand Something, Until It Happens To You..

When the doctor finally knew what exactly was going on with the frequent heart palpitations, it wasn't Hyper Ventilation Syndrome at all.. It was something that I was inborn with.. And on January 10th 2017, the heart palpitations reached its peak to the extend of giving me a continuous non-stop pounding & rapid heartbeat for nearly 5 hours, numbness in both hands, tongue & feet with a massive tightness feeling & pain in my chest until I couldn't even breathe & choked me up till my throat.. I was on the verge of collapsing.. I couldn't even walk & needed to be carried & rushed to the hospital from my workplace.. I was losing conscious..

I had to go thru the emergency procedure at the NUH A&E with all the sticky pads, oxygen mask, wires, syringes & tubes all over my body.. They kept talking to me & repeatedly tapped my cheek; not wanting to let me lose consciousness.. I remembered saying, "Can I see my husband for the last time?" And the doctor in-charge replied, "No, you will not see your husband for the last time, Ma'am.. I promise you that you will see him later.. Put on the oxygen mask for her.. Defibrillator on standby everyone.. She's losing consciousness.. Keep talking to her.. Heart rate is increasing & beating faster than usual.. Blood pressure very low.. She's in cold sweat.. Ma'am, stay with us.. You have to stay awake.. Ma'am.."

At that moment, all I could think of was my family.. But somehow, while I laid lifeless on that bed, feeling like I nearly wanna give up, let Allah take me away with Him & worrying about what's gonna happen to my family when I'm no longer around, a reassuring voice from my heart spoke, "I am with you.. Do not be afraid for I will always be with you.."

The inserted an anti-arrhythmia drug to control & reduce the rapid heart rate by blocking my heart channels.. Afraid I might be experiencing a cardiac arrest during the whole procedure, they had the Defibrillator on standby.. I cried, after what seemed like a battle for my life.. It was such an emotional moment as soon as my husband was allowed to see me at the observation room..

And right now in bed, resting in the comfort of my own home, while everyone's asleep, I still couldn't get over the ordeal.. It kept me thinking of what had happened earlier at the A&E.. The doctor still couldn't believe how I could endure such pain for such long hours & not rushed myself to the A&E as soon as the symptoms came.. Coz if I were to endure much much longer, my heart would completely collapse & I might just go into a sudden cardiac arrest..

This life, my family, all my loves ones who're there thru it all.. Thank you.. And I'm so grateful knowing that He was there with me all the time.. Sometimes, we may think that He seems so faraway from us but actually, He is there with us all along.. And for that, forever, I am always in His Debt.. Alhamdulillah..

My Family..

For they complete me; a wife & a mother.. xoxo

Insha'Allah if given another chance, I hope we could try just one last time for a 4th child before I hit 40.. A girl.. Coz that makes us even.. 3 boys & 3 girls.. Ameen.. Ya Rabb.. =))

My Attitude Is Based on How You Treat Me..

Age doesn't define one's level of maturity & being a minor doesn't make one an ignorant person. In other words, just because one is older, they deserve & demand every right to be respected regardless of everything they do; good or bad. And just because one is younger, they deserve every bit of crap to be thrown on their faces, to be OK with the shit & to live with it..

From my point of view, you let others treat you by what you allow, what you don't & the limitations that you set regardless of who they are..

Old isn't always wise.. Young isn't always childish..

My penny worth of thought..

Keep Smiling..

Strength is when you have so much to be pissed for but instead, you choose to smile & let life turn its table on those who love to suck the happiness out of you..

Attended Hub's Nephew's Wedding..

Congratulations to the hub's nephew & wife.. Wishing these 2 love birds a blissful marriage till Jannah. Ameen..

So the hub made fun of me by saying that I'm gonna be a grandma soon, now that his nephew got hitched.. Hahahaha!! OMG!! Nenek Muda!! And we're both gonna be called as Atok & Nenek.. Hahahahaha!! I can't imagine when that happens.. Hub & his silly jokes!!

Glad that my side of the family made it to the wedding & stayed till it ended..

On another note, I'm happy to see my 1st SIL at the wedding, had a pleasant convo with her & snapped a few photos together with my 2nd SIL.. When was the last time I took photos with them? A very very long time ago.. And somehow, that day, I could sense that all 3 of us felt at ease with one another.. And frankly, it felt good..

Forgive & Forget, NOT..

Slowly but surely, little by little, the truth is known..

There's no need for me to reason out or proof, even when there're sickening ass fucktards who go around speculating-fabricating-exaggerating stories about me & my family to others..

Coz at the end of it all, one day, when the right time comes, Allah will let it be known of everyone's true identity; what is in their hearts & what kind of person they really are..

Pelan2.. Tanpa mereka sedari, Allah tunjukkan aib mereka sendiri sepertimana mereka menunjuk2kan & menokok-tambahkan cerita tentang aib org lain..

P/S: How does one (who until NOW) feel, to be faking it out, smiling & tryna start a little convo with everyone whom they ever back-bite about? The root cause of all the mofo misunderstandings among one another.. That fake smile & "pretending to be innocent looking" face.. I swear if given a chance to punch them on their sickening ass faces, pin them real hard to the wall & drag them by their freakin' heads, I would.. And NO, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NOR WILL I FORGET every single thing that had happened to me & my family before.. This hatred feeling will always be there for every single thing that they have said & done.. Satu2 prangai besar punye sial..