Husband...

I never knew what love meant until I met you...
You're always there for me,
Whenever I need you...
You worry so much for baby and me...
And I do too...
That when we are not together,
We miss each other all the way thru...

You always comfort me,
When I'm sad...
You try so hard to make me happy,
Even when I'm mad...
I don't know sometimes how you put up with me...
I guess that's very nice,
To have a wonderful husband,
Always by my side...

Dedicated to my husband, Muhamad Rizal Yusop...

A Piece Of My Reflection...

Thru my two decades of trials and tribulations, I've seen different kinds of human beings from different aspects of life - perfectionists, braggarts, temperamentals, show-offs etc. I learn not to be deceived by those who obtain friendship and fondness of others by simply exploiting their cash and beauty as baits.

I can't seem to comprehend the reason or purpose of those who rather prefer good looks and money than those having a sincere heart. Why should 'sincere hearts' receive the gossips and critics while 'show-off, ill-mannered braggarts' receive the praise and credits? (And these braggarts will not put an end to their bragging even if the allegations made are MOSTLY not in accordance with their real life situation!!)

I believe that the love of money is the source of all wickedness... Money is not our 'passport' to heaven nor will it last for eternity. I know that The Almighty is willing to shower His humble servants with happiness thru wealth but He also has the ability to bring upon them with suffering thru poverty.

I guess love is really, really 'blind', due to the fact that most humans rather prefer the outer beauty than ones inner beauty. But being pretty or handsome doesn't completely reflect ones own 'true colour' - misbehaving, misconduct or should I say... misuse of the 'freedom' given. I am aware that The Almighty is able to present His humble servants with dignity and respect but we must not forget that He is able to test us with humiliation.

I learn that to fall in love with someone simply because of their looks is dangerous and misguided for many reasons. Firstly, those good looks might conceal less pleasant sides to their character to which I've said earlier, "love is blind". Later, because of the obsession with the partner's looks, the enamoured partner might be influenced into doing OR accepting all sorts of wrong conduct in their desperation to keep their love for their 'idol'. Thus, those good looks might even cause a form of 'SHIRK' in the heart of the one desperately in love with them. Secondly, the good-looking person might be perfectly decent and good, but unfortunately the good looks begin to deteriorate with age, or increasing fatness, or damage thru accident or illness.

What then? If the lover only wanted them because of their looks, the relationship is now on tricky ground...

Human beings has a tendency of making mistakes. I must confess that I am one of those who commits errors of my own. Learning and perceiving the mistakes of others including that of my own assists me in various ways. Sometimes, it's good to look back at your past deeds coz by doing so, you could at least compare the sort of person you was with the one you are presently.

I am truly grateful and thankful to The Almighty for waking me and my partner up. Without His Gracious Light, we would not be what we are today... I hope we will stay that way and improve ourselves in becoming a much more better person each and every single day...

Insya'allah... Ameen...

Don't Be So Daft, Think Before You Laugh, Your Eyes On My Scarf...

When you look at me
All you can see
Is the scarf that covers my hair
My words you can't hear
Because you're too full of fear,
Mouth gaping, all you can do is stare
You think it's not my own choice

In your own 'liberation', you rejoice
You're so thankful that you're not me
You think I'm uneducated,
Trapped, oppressed and subjugated
You're so thankful that you are 'free'
But Western woman, you've got it wrong
You're the weak and I'm the strong
For I've rejected the trap of man
Fancy clothes - low neck, short skirt,
These are devices for pain and hurt
I'm not falling for that little plan

Always jumping to the male agenda,
Competing on his terms
No jod share, no creche facilities
No feeding and nappy changing amenities
Ni time-off for menstrual pain
'Hormones', they laugh, "What a shame..."

No equal pay for equal skill
Your job they can always fill
No promotion unless you're sterilized
No promotion unless you're sexually terrorized
And is this 'LIBERATION'?

I'm a person with ideas and though
I'm not for sale, I can't be bought
I won't decorate anyone's arm
Nor be promoted for my charm
There's more to me than playing coy
Living life is a balancing game - mother
Daughter, wife, cleaner, cook, lover
And still bring home a wage

Who thought up this 'Freedom',
Where man can love 'em and leave 'em?
This is not 'free' but life in a cage

Western woman you have your life
Mine - it has less strife
I cover and I get respected
Surely that's to be expected
For I won't demean the feminine
I won't live to a male criterion
I dance to my own tune,
And I hope you see this very soon,
For your sake wake up and use your sight!
Are you sure that you are right?
A sis-in-law of mine sent an interesting article about a Hindu lady who converted to Islam. Making me recall this poem...

You'll Have to Woo Your Wife Again...

You'll have to woo your wife again,

And then again, and then again,

As many times as there are times,

A well-worn silence tells you when...

You'll have to play the lover new,

All hot to touch and squeeze and kiss,

All shivery with ecstacy,

Unbuttoning the buds of bliss...

You'll have to re-seduce a flesh,

Familiar as your own raw nude,

With praise and passionate displays,

Of need and joy and gratitude...

For you not need give up for life,

The pure and simple gift of lust...

A marriage does as marriage is:

The play of pleasure, love and trust...

March 18th, 2006...

Some Of The Things That Change When I Have Him...

MUHAMAD ISYRAQ ASIL BIN MUHAMAD RIZAL

> I finally stop to smell the roses, because my baby is in my arms.
> Where I once believed I was fearless, I now find myself afraid.
> The sacrifices I thought I made to have my child no longer seems like sacrifices.
> I respect my body... finally.
> I respect my parents more & love them in a new way.
> I find that my baby's pain feels much more worse than my own.
> I believe once again in the things I believed in as a child.
> I lose touch with the people in my life whom I should've banished years ago.
> My heart breaks much more easily.
> I think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
> Everyday is a surprise.
> Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please me. (Hooray for POOP!)
> I look at my baby in the mirror instead of myself.
> I become a morning person.
> My love become limitless, a superhuman power.
> I discover how much there's to say bout one little tooth.
> I realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth.
> I now know where the sun comes frm.
> I'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that I've been dying to have.
> I realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers.
> I don't mind going to bed early with my baby.
> "Silence? Wat's dat?"
> I realize that the 15 pounds I can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having.
> I discover an inner strength I never thought I had.
> I no longer rely on a clock - my baby now sets my schedule.
> I give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feelin' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one.
> My cat - who used to be my 'baby' - becomes just a CAT.
> I take the time for one more hug & kiss even if it means I'll be late for work.
> I learn that taking a shower is a luxury.
> I realize that I can love a complete stranger.

Fakers...

How can they all be so happy?
Can't they see the deception that lies ahead, behind and everywhere?
Am I the only one who knows that everyone is the same backstabbing and abusive idiots?
Do they not care?
Do they just turn a blind eye to the fate that awaits them?
Do they like it that way?
Faking a happy life...
OR
Are they just ignorant,
Of the way people really are...
Someone should tell them...
OR
Maybe not...
Maybe someone should have told me...
Maybe I should have listen...
Maybe I should let them get hurt like I did...
Maybe...
Maybe not...

Greed...

I must have it all,

Greed has many friends,

Greed would & could be the base of the 7 sins,

Yes! Greed could be the leader...

Greed controls LUSTER; You must have such a touch,

Greed controls PRIDE; You must be the best,

Greed controls ENVY; You must have what's not yours,

Greed controls GLUTTONY; You must have food,

Greed controls WRATH; You must be mad,

Greed controls SLOTH; You must be about YOU...

Greed is the have it all feeling,

Even if you can't use it all,

Greed is normally associated with money,

But it can be other things...

When there is a need,

There is always greed,

A rotten exploiting deed,

That manifests with speed...

When there are mouths to feed,

Read between the lines & take heed!

Lurking around is an inspiring greed,

Ready to take advantage & proceed...

Even when there is no need to succeed,

By now it is agreed, there is always greed,

Our desire for more always exceeds our needs,

Hence wealth, power & greed have always been married...

Have we ever wondered,

What greed took away?

We lost the love we craved for,

Now think of it & weigh...

Where we live, what we drive,

Or the gold we wear,

Have we ever noticed?

Few seem to care...

We sit on a mound of pride,

And build a ship of greed,

Money is all we think of,

And money is all we need...

Our heads are full of envy,

And weakened hearts we hold,

Aloof & lonely we remain,

Illness we behold...

Friends, love & happiness,

With wealth cannot be bought,

Can never be nursed with greed,

But only by the heart...

We always want more,

Sometimes I don't know what for,

I read & understand what generation of breed,

Has given birth to this senseless weed,

Because life is a circle of endless greed...

I urgently need to know, I plead...

Who planted this seed of greed to deliberately mislead?

Hypocrites & Haters...

You talk the good talk
You tell what you know,
You think that you have all the answers
You put on a real good show...

You say not to do something
But you do it the same,
When somebody else does it
You call them out of their name...

You are lacking in areas but yet
You put down someone else,
You need to stop focusing on what I'm doing
Pay attention to yourself...

You need to realize who you are
You will find out sooner than later,
You criticize and you judge
You are a hypocrite and a hater...

Why? Who are you?
Don't walk around like your shit don't stink,
Before you open your mouth
You need to stop and think...

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful
Don't hate me because I'm smart,
Don't hate me because I'm always smiling
Don't hate me because of the kindness of my heart...

Don't be mad at me because you are mean and
People don't respond well to you,
Think about some of the things that you say and
Some of the things that you do...

There are too many things going on
To be focusing on what I'm doing,
A personality or sense of humor
Should be what you are pursuing...

Ramadhan - Some Points To Ponder...

People whose soul are not healthy, they are considered not healthy overall...

Preparations for Ramadhan
a) Not about new curtains, new clothes and shoes.
b)It's about our inner being (Ruh) - Increase our prayers, supplication to Allah s.w.t!
c)Increase the QUALITY of our good deeds. Each seconds, our lives decrease - Don't we realise that?

The world we know now (Dunya) is actually going further away from us. while the hereafter (Akhirat) is actually getting closer to us.

When we die, our DEEDS will be brought along with us while materials wealth such as shoes, curtains, clothes, house etc. will be left behind.

Be happy if we are able to meet Ramadhan again. Ramadhan is a month full of Barakah (goodness) and in this month, there is one night which is better than 1,000 months - Lailatul Qadr.

So with the arrival of Ramadhan, is it, happy or sad? Burden or relief for us?

In Ramadhan, the rewards for doing good deeds, prayers etc. is multiplied to 70 times. 1,000 month = ____________ years? We don't know because we don't count it since it's not money!! If it's money, we would have counted it with scrutiny. It's equivalent to 183 years and 4 months.

Early Ramadhan - the mosque will be full and crowded while towards the end of Ramadhan - lesser people in the mosque because most people are busy doing their shopping.

Rasulullah s.a.w urged us, his Ummah, to wake up and grab the opportunities of great Pahala (rewards) at the end of Ramadhan.

Our age is much shorter than those in the days of Prophet Nuh (some were 800 years old... 900 years...). For us, average lifespan is 60 years. Baligh on average around 15 years old - thus only 45 years of compulsory prayers and supplication. In Ramadhan - if a person experience 45 times of Lailatul Qadr, (some simple maths here) and one night of Lailatul Qadr is equivalent to 1,000 months, what about 45 Lailatul Qadr? It's as though we've done prayers for thousands of years!! Hence, although our lifetime is short, we are blessed with countless advantages.

Prepare the heart in welcoming the arrival of Ramadhan, we should feel jubilant because we are able to perform Terawih prayer. Grab the opportunity to pray 23 raka'ats.

Tasbih prayer (prescribed by Rasulullah s.a.w). It's best to do it once a day, or else - 3 times a week, or else - once a week, or else - once a month, or else - once a year... The LEAST is once in a lifetime.

Purify the heart for Ramadhan, or else, we will regard Ramadhan as a burden, and not joy in increasing good deeds. It is all about one's Iman. Those who are happy because of Ramadhan's arrival, then Allah s.w.t will protect them from hell.

Resolution! e.g.:
a) To have the intention to finish reading the Quran. We might never know that this may be the last Ramadhan for us.
b) If last year we did Terawih prayers only on some days, then this year we must try to carry out the Terawih prayers for whole month of Ramadhan.
c) If last year we are not able to do 'Qiyamulail', this year try to do so.
d) Increase Sedekah (alms giving).

In Ramadhan, Allah s.w.t opens all gates of heavens widely and close all gates of hell tightly. It would be a waste if Ramadhan comes and go but we're still the same!!

Respect Ramadhan for Ramadhan is a guest of Allah s.w.t, thus we should respect Ramadhan!! Not just by the way we talk and behave but from the way we dressed ourselves as well.

Allah s.w.t descends Qur'an to Prophet Muhammad in the month of Ramadhan.

Something To Ponder...

I asked the Prophet s.a.w who has the greatest right over a man and he said, "His mother." [Narrated by Aisha Umm al-Muminin]

I asked, "Messenger of Allah to whom shall I be dutiful?" He replied, "Your mother." I asked, "Then whom?" He replied, "Your mother." I asked, "Then whom?" He replied, "Your mother." I asked, "Then whom?" He replied, "Your mother." I asked, "Then whom should I be dutiful?" He replied, "Your father, and then next closest relative and then the next." [Narrated by Abu Huraira]

Our parents are the most wonderful & precious treasures that we're given. But we never fully realise their importance or ever cherish them enough. I never understood how dear my parents truly are until I became a mother myself. The hardship of the pregnancy, the labour, the birth experience, the difficulties of nursing & looking after a newborn - all these & more along the path of motherhood enabled me to comprehend just how dear & precious my own parents are, especially my mother. I can never be thankful, grateful, appreciative or ever repay her enough for what she has sacrificed & done for me.

I believe the same goes for everyone out there. We can never love our parents enough because our love will always be wanting compared to the boundless love & sacrifice which our mothers enveloped us in since we were conceived. The thought 'mother' cannot be separated from that of 'love'. Love is sweet & delicious. It's the nourishment you need to grow. Without love, a child cannot flower, an adult cannot mature. Without love, we weaken & wither. All of us are showered with tender love for many years & without even knowing it, we're quite happy with that. Only when it has vanished do we awaken with a start.

Remember those moments when you have a bitter aftertaste in your mouth following an attack of a fever & everything you eat is bland & tasteless? Only when your mother comes & tucks you in, gently pulling the covers over your chest & placing her palm on your burning forehead with a gentle whispers of "My poor child..." Do you feel restored, surrounded by the sweetness & warmth of maternal love? Maternal love is our first taste of love, the origin & source of all feelings of love. Our mother is the teacher who first teaches us love, the most important lesson in our life. Without her, we cannot have known how to love. Thru her, we acquire our first notions of compassion & empathy, because her love is the source of all love. When you're little, your mother is like a gentle & sweet angel who makes your pains & worries disappear. You barely let out a cry & she's there at your side. Just the word 'mother' fills your heart with love.

Our mother is a boundless source of love, an inexhaustible treasure; yet so often we don't realise this. Our mother is the greatest & most beautiful gift Allah s.w.t offers us. Those of you who still have your mothers around, please don't wait till her death to say, "I've lived beside my mother all these years without even looking closely at her. Just brief glances, a few words exchanged - asking for a little pocket money, or one thing or another." Or you lose your temper, kick up a fuss, sulk & whine restlessly. You only complicate her life, causing her to worry, undermining her health, making her sleep late & get up early. Thru out her life, we children expect her to cook, wash & clean up after us, while we think only of our grades & our careers. Our mothers no longer have time to look deeply at us & we're too busy to look closely at her. Then, when she's gone, you're overcome by a sense of loss because you never fully understand the meaning of her presence & devotion.

We believe that a child without filial piety is without worth. But filial piety also arises from love itself. Without love, filial piety is artificial. When love is present, that's no need to talk of obligation. To love your mother is enough. It's not a duty. Loving your mother is completely natural, as natural as drinking water when you're thirsty. Every child must have a mother & it's totally natural to love her. The mother loves her child & the child loves his mother. The child needs his mother & the mother needs her child. If the mother does not need her child, nor the child his mother, then there's neither mother nor child. There's only a misuse of the terms 'mother' & 'child'.

Long ago a teacher asked me, "If you love your mother, how do you show it?" I told him, "I must obey & help her, take care of her when she's old & pray for her after her death." Now, however, I would only say: I love my mother & I don't have to 'show' anything at all. Just loving her is enough. To love your mother is not a question of morality or virtue.

Please do not think I have written this to give you a lesson in morality. Loving your mother is a question of profit. A mother is like a pure spring water. If you do not know how to profit from this, it's unfortunate for you. I simply want to bring this to your attention, to help you avoid complaining one day that there's nothing left in life for you. If a gift such as the presence of your own mother doesn't satisfy you, even if you're the president of a large corporation or king of a country, you probably still will not be satisfied.

If I had any advice it would be this: Tonight, when you return from school or work, or the next time you visit your mother, go into her room calmly, silently with a smile & sit down beside her. Without saying anything, look at her really closely, for as long as you can. Look at her well in order to see, to realise that she's there, alive & sitting beside you. Then take her hand & ask her this short question, "Mother, do you know what?" She will be a little surprised & will probably smile when she asks you, "What dear?" Continuing to look into her eyes with a serene smile, tell her, "Do you know that I love you?" Ask her this question without expecting an answer. Even if you are thirty, forty years old, or older, ask her simply because you're the child of your mother. Both you & your mother will be happy, basking in the conscious knowledge of your undying & indestructible love for each other. So that even if she leaves you tomorrow or in the future, you will have no regrets...