Surgery, Let's Do This!!

Finally plucked up my courage to have all 4 of my wisdom tooth extracted out at KTPH thru general anaesthesia.. Slept thru the whole surgery & woke up stoned.. Rase mcm minah selat biji siak khayal diye.. HAHAHAHAHA!!

See that little red dot beside that needle tube thingy? Anaesthetic doctor salah cocok.. Tk kene urat.. Amacam cakap? Rase2 macam nak amek tu jarom cokok pat mate diye jer.. So she ended up finding for the main vein AGAIN & finally got to insert the needle in.. Saket nak mampssssss siol..

Dad tried keeping it cool when he saw the whole thing but in actual fact, he's a hemophobia.. Member muke panic tapi step macho.. HAHAHAHA!!

The ones who were there thru out the entire day when hub wasn't able to be there for me due to his busy work schedule..

Thank you Pakcik & Ucu!! You guys never fail to make me laugh with your never-ending jokes even when you knew that my mouth was in extreme pain due to all the stitching, swelling & the "stoning" that I felt.. Apparently, I couldn't LOL la when everyone of them were laughing their hearts out.. I tried so freaking hard not to laugh & had to give a "senyum & giggle kambeng" instead.. HAHAHAHAHAH!!

Thank you mom for taking your time to rush all the way from work just to be with me.. And to dad, thank you for being the "step macho" man even though I knew that you would freak out easily whenever you see blood around.. What you did for me today, Allah & kakak sahaje yang tahu.. At 33 years old, I'm still your little girl.. =)

Thank you mom inlaw, for taking care of my children knowing that I had to undergo this surgery.. For keeping an eye on them until the hub came safely home from work.. =))

To the hub, thank you for talking to me on the phone thru out my journey to the hospital before the surgery, just to calm my freaking nerves down, even when you're busy @ work & for checking up on me once in while to see how I'm coping with it all.. ;-*

I'm so bless to have all of you in my life.. Love you ALL many2..!! xoxo

Forever I Am In His Debt..

It was my birthday yesterday.. I was at work, on the phone crying while talking to the hub saying that I didn't have the mood to celebrate my birthday. Told him that I couldn't bring myself to spent my time with him, kids & the rest of my family members coz month of July from now on won't be the same..

I lost grams 11 days before my birthday & frankly, I do grieve about her every now & then.. How things weren't gonna be the same with the maternal side of the family once she's gone.. And what an emo freak I've been lately.. How to be happy when such things happened within the same month?

The moment, I ended my convo with him, 3 of my colleagues surprised & sang me a birthday song before placing the above cake on my desk.. I was so touched & literally in tears.. Never had I been this sad in my whole entire life on my birthday before..

To have colleagues who knew how quiet & sad I've been lately ever since I came back to work after my compassionate leave.. To have them coming all the way from our HQ in Senoko with this cake just to see a smile on my face, it moved me to tears..

Hub, mom & siblings wanted me to be happy on my birthday.. So yup, smile.. 

Thank you for being my listening ear.. For tolerating with my down & out emo mood these past few weeks.. For keeping my cool when I was feeling kinda pissed with the shit ass humans around me.. For trying to make me laugh & put a smile on my face.. Most importantly, thank you for being there when I needed you the most.. I love you..

One of my favourite photos of yesterday..

Yesterday's birthday treat by my dear brother, Alep.. Dad couldn't came along as he had to work.. Well, it's ok.. I had a pleasant evening with everyone before getting admitted into the hospital for my surgery in a few hours time..

A year older & a year wiser.. Alhamdulillah.. I feel so very blessed to be on good terms again with mom, dad & siblings.. To have a husband who is always there by my side & be given 3 wonderful children.. To have parents inlaw keeping an eye on our home & children while we're out working.. May Allah bless them all in this Dunia & the Akhirat.. Amin..

I can never thank Allah enough for giving me this never-ending blessings..

33 years old & forever, I am always in His Debt..

Eid Mubarak 2014..

The clan of Muhamad Rizal, all clad in black for this year's Eid.. Asyura's eyes looked electrocuted, thanks to the camera flash.. Asil forever won't cooperate infront of the camera.. And the littlest one is forever cute with his facial expression.. Kids will never be able to take a proper family photo with us.. Nevertheless, they all looked adorable in their own way.. =]

Our very first time in black for Eid Day 1.. I lost a total of 6kgs drastically in less than a month.. Most of that were caused by the workloads in the office, keeping myself occupied with my sideline business, coping with the loss of my late grams & other things that had been running in my thoughts.. Like the people who're still around & then came into our lives but as time went by, they floated away just like the passing clouds in the sky.. Best of all, they pretend that this clan of Muhamad Rizal don't even exist but they expect us to be fully aware of their existence in this superficial world.. And how I kept looking back at the whole incident when late grams was still fighting for her life & how I noticed that some people were good at putting up a show complete with masks on their faces right until the very last day we attended late grams kenduri tahlil.. And how I wish I could reward them with a trophy each with the best actor & actress award.. All of them..

"Blood may be thicker than water, but the way blood suffocates you if you were to get drowned in it won't be the same unlike IF you were to get yourself drowned in the water.. It suffocates more.."

One thing I learned from all of them.. Whatever we see & feel, it has somehow made the bond between my own family closer to one another.. It has made us appreciate each other even more.. And the love we have for our family grows stronger each & everyday.. Indeed He is The Best Planner.. Alhamdulillah..

Innalillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rojiun..

Family photos of us taken during Hari Raya 2014 & a photo of the only "cucu" who would always clipped her Nenek's long nails whenever she had the chance to spend time with her..

Al Fatehah buat Arwah Nenek ku, Hajjah Habsah Binte Haji Sahadan,

yang telah kembali ke Rahmatullah pade tanggal 20 haribulan Julai,

2014 bersamaan 22 Ramadan 1435 Hijriah..

May Allah forgive all your deeds & place you among the righteous ones in Jannah.. Amin..

I've told all the Uncles & Aunties about the "amanah" that you had passed on to me when you're still alive.. Now it's all up to them to fulfill it.. I've done my part.. My prayers will always be with you Nek.. It always will & have always been..

The part that saddens me most was recalling all those memories that I had with you during my childhood days & till I am a mother of 3..

Dulu kecik2, nenek yang slalu mandikan Lily.. Tapi di hari pengebumian Nenek, Lily yang mandikan jenazah Nenek.. I will never forget the moment, that pink towel was lifted up from your face before we all bathed you.. Your face was glowing & you're smiling.. It's like you're happy that you're leaving us all & to be in another world.. I smiled with happiness trying to hide my tears knowing you will be well taken care of by Him..

Allah knows how sad & devastated I was that day.. But I tried my very best not to shed my tears infront of your lifeless body.. "Kalau Nenek mati, Nenek tak nak Lily nanges depan mayat Nenek.. Lily pegang tau cakap Nenek ni eh.. Ingat tau.." I've kept my promise to you until you're safely buried in your grave & I hope you're proud of me for doing what I did..

I will remember that particular smell on the night before you passed away. That flower scent we used to smell in every Muslim funeral.. It lingered on me till morning, on the day you passed away.. I just knew, you didn't have the energy to fight for your life no more..

I will miss your voice, your "melatah-ness" & how you made funny faces when everyone of us joked around with you.. I will miss those moments where you never fail to give us your advice.. Your scent.. And there will be no more Nenek to call me up in the office just to have a little chit chat.. No more.. Just memories that I will always treasure in my heart for the rest of my life.. Till we meet again in the Akhirat Nek.. Sayang Nenek..

Family ties between us all won't ever gonna be same once you're gone Nek.. It will never be.. ='(

May Allah Cure Your Illness & Suffering, Nek..

Spent most of my childhood living with you, eversince I was still a baby; from your old MacPherson Road home till the one at 554 Bedok North. Even when mom took me back to stay together with her n dad when I was 5 yrs old, I still do prefer to spend my weekends over at ur crib..

Love how you would always pamper me with awesome home made dishes, taught me how to make traditional kuehs, fry my very 1st egg & put me to sleep with your interesting "old grandmother's stories".. You're the one who taught me how to solat, fast & recite all those surahs in my little book of "Muqaddam".. My very 1st & very own religious teacher..

You're always there to save me from being caned by dad whenever I failed 1 of my examination subjects. I would call you up & asked,"Nenek, hari ni Nenek bole dtg tido ruma Mama tk? Temankan Lily, Nek. Lily fail maths seh.." You would then took the trouble to come over & spend the night @ mom's, making sure that I escaped punishment from dad.

You bought me my very 1st bicycle.. I remembered it's yellow in colour & I loved that yellow bicycle so much!! I would cycle around the neighbourhood with that bicycle & even to the market helping mom with her lists of neverending groceries..

As I grew older into my teenage years, you never fail to nag @ me for the way I dressed up & behaved.. "Too revealing lah.. Can't go home late lah.. Don't hog on the phone too long lah.. Don't mix around with bad companies lah.." And I would always find those naggings annoying & would always walk away, frowning in disagreement..

But as time went by, I learned that that's your way of showing how much you care for me.. "Kalau tk sayang, tk tegor, tk membebel.."

You're the 1st person whom I spoke to when I got to know my hub & told you that I have a feeling he's the one for me.. You never disagree with my choice & the only thing that matters to you is,"As long as he prays, think of Allah, treats you like a treasure & treats his mom well, he is a keeper.. And no matter how small his pay is or how low his education is, if he has the will to work in Allah's way, InshaAllah, Allah will always be there to help him.."

You're always there supporting & giving me encouragement till I could save up enough money to settle n plan my own marriage expenses with my hub, even when people have doubts against our abilities & the paths that we chose in life.. You always remind me not to care about what others might say for everything that I do in life coz as long as my conscience is firmly clear & Allah knows my niyyah, that is all that matters..

Now seeing you helpless & breathless in such a state; being bedridden with no solid food & drink allowed for you to consume, having a kidney failure & pulmonary edema, devastates me.. It saddens me for I can't be of any help to cure you..

And the moment you knew that I was holding your hand & you never wanna let it go, I just have this feeling that this time around, I don't know whether will I be seeing more of you in the near future or not..

"She won't be long.. Have patience.." This was what my heart said to me.. I'm trying to brush those inner sayings aside, praying hard & hoping that my only surviving grams will get better in time..

For the fact that I need to be more mentally & emotionally prepared should anything happen to you, I couldn't bear to imagine the worst scenario just yet.. Allah knows best..

Syafakillah syifaan ajilan Nek.. May Allah take away your illness, pain & suffering.. My prayers will always be with you.. Always.. Please get well soon.. Lily sayang Nenek.. ='(

Saturday Morning Humor..

AHAHAHAHAHA!! How many of you feel me on this? This is the 'Mat Salleh' version.. My 'Melayu' version is this.. Friend,"Eh kau!! Buat per kat sini?!!" Me,"Oh.. Aku baru habes catwalk sambel tngk barang2 dapo.." Soalan bonus, jawapan cepumas aku kasi.. AHAHAHAHAHA!!


And that little mouse up there is super cute la!! And the caption fits in perfectly!! It's like,"One of those missions to smuggle some cheese out of a heavily guarded house filled with cats & mousr traps.." Background lagu Mission Impossible jgn lupe.. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Selfie With Mat Jambol Ku..

Someone's in the mood to show his adorable smile @ the camera.. One of my pillars of strength who never fail to put a smile on my face & soothes my heart.. Love him to bits..

Bare face & puffy eyes.. Should've taken a photo of those eyes the moment I woke up.. Mcm puffer fish.. LOL.. They looked way much more worse in the morning.. Thanks to me, for being an emo head..

Watched too much photos, videos & articles about the war in Palestine, Syria, the people of Rohingya & many more.. Shouldn't have watch it but I just had to care about it.. I ended up crying..

Something that we all should know even if the truth hurts, makes us sad & angry.. And we need to share such news with everyone around us.. Coz you won't see such news being published or shown on TV in our own country..

Why? Coz the people here are 'being controlled' to NOT show & share such news to the public..